the most least romantic lines

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE BUT…. THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.
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I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
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Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar
bowl's empty and so is your head.
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Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.
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Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you are not.
*****************************
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.
*******************************
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
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My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.
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I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
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My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
***************************************
My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "Go To Hell".
*******************************************
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

Miscellaneous quotes:

1. Aspire to be Barbie - the b!tch has everything.

2. If the shoe fits - buy one in every colour.

3. Take life with a pinch of salt… a wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.

4. When someone is getting to you ask them "Which part of princess
don't you understand?"

5. Some call it cocktail hour - For me it's a support group.

6. Go on the 30 day diet. I'm on it and so for I've lost 15 days.

7. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

8. My greatest fear is that there is no PMS and this is just my
personality.

9. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

10. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

11. Don't get your knickers in a knot, it solves nothing; and makes you walk funny.

bloopers

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Female customer: A white one…
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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute… I hadn't inserted it yet… it's
still on my desk… sorry….
====== =========
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of
the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
============ ===
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello… I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and…
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not
Bill Gates.
============ ===
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every
time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and
placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find
it…
============ == =
Customer: I have problems printing in red…
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah……. ……… ….thank you.
============ ===
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.
============ ===
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there
another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah…that one does
work…
============ ===
Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a
capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
== ============ =
Customer: can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
============ ===
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.
============ ===
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver
on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
============ ===
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I
get the circle around it?
============ ===
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her
printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good
point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his
printer is working fine."
============ ===
And last but not least…
Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at
the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.
Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P"…..on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!